April 21st, 2022, I sent the following email to a former professor:
Subject: i’m performing
Hiii
Performing at KYLD on May 7th if you’re in town! Think I’m going to make it up on the spot. Is that a bad idea (can you tell me it’s not)?
Hope you are well :)
Sending love,
RM
He responds:
Re: i’m performing
I’ve been thinking about you!
Making it up on the spot is a good idea, but you have to go for it. Which you will.
Could I come to a rehearsal???
Love to you!
____
The following Wednesday, the 27th of April, I rehearsed the piece, which is to say that I made it up entirely with the only constraint being that it had to end at 10-minutes. Both the aforementioned professor and my friend Katherine were in attendance. Nothing about performing felt good. In fact, it felt humiliating, like presenting on a topic you haven’t studied. I did something like talk about Trisha Brown and Merce Cunningham. How they were good dancers, who made good work, and knew how to make it. I spoke a monologue at the beginning, danced in circles, exhausted myself, and tried to find something that hinted at alterity.